Joensenism



Joensenism, also called Heriism, is the belief that Heri Joensen, vocalist and co-guitarist of the Faeroese Viking Folk Metal band Týr is the Supreme Ruler of the Universe. Many prominent scientists, such as Richard Dawkins and Sam Harris, dispute the divinity of Heri Joensen, but in vain. And this is easily demonstrated by observing the fact that earlier mentioned prominent scientists are complete and utter nerds.

Origin
There is an evil, malicious and completely unsubstantiated rumor that Joensenism is a spin-off from Laihoism. Ofcourse that is not true. Joensenism was the primal presence in the universe. The Big Bang was the effect of Heri Joensen turning his Mesa/Boogie Triple Rectifier too loud. This can easily be proven as the effects of this event are still visible today. The phenomenon that the stars travel further and further away from the point of the Big Bang, or the ILD (Infernally Loud Downstroke), as Joensenists correctly call it.